Some
many people see life as black and white, while life is in reality
many shades of gray. The relationships and events that are brought
into our lives teach us this by exposing us to many people in
different situations to see how we will react. The people we love
and trust affect us but they do not reflect us. The situations our
decisions put us test us to see how we will react. They are not
punishments, but challenges to test our learning process.
Whether
it was a karmic lesson or a challenge from this lifetime, I came to
believe that what happened to me, around me, and to those in my life
was my responsibility. If someone I cared about was hurt, it was my
fault. If something broke or if something zigged when I thought it
should zag that it was a punishment. That belief was never a truth.
It was a challenge for me to over come. The who and the why of how
it was reinforced in my childhood is a long story that would make War
and Peace look like a novelette. I wrote those tales on pages that
have been since been burnt to release the pain and guilt, but also
find the love and the hope. The lessons other taught me then are on
them, but how I react to them now is mine.
Three
years ago a beautiful soul that I named Sophie came to my back door.
She is a tuxedo kitty that was so small that I thought she was only
about six month old. What I didn't know when I adopted her was that
she was a Trojan kitty. Two weeks later, she had four kittens. She
was so malnourished from being abandoned that the kittens were
smaller than normal and she needed extra care for her to be able to
care for them.
I
named the babies, Izzie, Simon, Merrie, and Honey-bunny. Merrie and
Simon were eager to take on the world. Their eyes opened quickly.
Honey-bunny wasn't far behind. Izzie’s
was a little slower. Her eyes didn't want to open, but once they did
she became leader of the pride. She was clever and courageous. She
was the first to explore and last to back down.
I
took them to the veterinarian for the first check up at about eight
weeks. I took in four healthy kittens, but two days later all of
them were sick and refusing to eat. I took them back. The vet took
Izzie’s temperature. It was the only
difference. He gave them a different kind of worming medication.
Within 24 hours, the babies started to recover except for Izzie.
Initially, they were all happily eating again. But then Izzie
stopped. I called the vet and was told to give her a couple of
more days. Izzie started to loose weight.
I force fed her water and food. I changed food and eventually went
to baby food to help sustain her. Nothing I did made a difference.
She weakened. I didn't want to let her go I set up another
appointment with another vet for the next morning. That night she
began to whimper in pain. I saw what I was doing to her. That
beautiful soul was staying in a body that didn't work, because she
loved me. I told her it was okay to go. That I loved her and would
be okay. She relaxed and smiled a little. I didn't want to leave
her, but I suddenly really had to go to the bathroom. By the time I
got back, that beautiful soul had left. I was only gone a few
moments. But it was the time she needed.
For
a long time, I blamed myself. I emotionally beat myself with the
would-have, should-have stick. The reality was that it was her time.
The circumstances of her pregnancy and birth gave her a body that
was only temporary. There was nothing that I could have done to fix
what was not mine. It was never about me. It was Izzie's path and
her choice. When I realized that she was freed of a body that did not
work and I started the grieving process. That bright beautiful soul
brought a love, joy, and courage into my life. For that I will
always be grateful.
Last
spring, I was hired to produce a business platform, including the
budget, proposal, and operating agreement/bylaws, along with four
videos for a new non-profit organization. I was assured that once
the platform and the videos were available that the she would have
the funding to not only register the organization with the state and
federal governments, but she would also be able pay me for my work.
When
I set the price for my work, I thought I would be some receiving help
with the information gathering. I love research, but some of the
budget items like the cost of renting office space would have been
more efficiently done by someone who lives in the area. I asked for
help, but received none. Additionally, the organization's name
changed after the work began, making it necessary for me to reedit
the videos that I already produced as well as the business platform.
I finished and delivered my work. I asked for payment only to be
told that the there would be a delay because the donor wanted to see
the organization's website, which had yet to be built. I gathered
the information and delivered it to the web master. The site went
up. Again payment was delayed due to the time of the year. The
donors had already reached their limit, but would again be donating
after the first of the year. The first of the year has come and
gone. Although small payments have been being made all along, I have
only received a third of what is owed. I
have been given more promises and excuses for why she can't pay me.
Yet she has the funds to travel to political events and conferences.
She is able hobnob with politicians, celebrities, and other
activists, because of the work I have done. But she doesn't feel the
need to pay for the work that opened those doors for her.
The
tall and short of it is that the project involved much more work and
took longer than I expected. Plus I did more than the original
agreement, including organizing the crowd fund campaign that raised
enough to register the organization with the state, but instead the
funds were spent on promoting the group on Facebook.
This
is not a pity party, but the realization that sometimes you do have
to fight for what is rightfully yours. I did the work. I also went
above and beyond expectations. I deserve to be paid. This mind set
is a life pattern that I needed to address. Although, I can find
rainbow in this storm, it does not absolve the other person from her
obligation. She needs to pay me what she owes
now.
It
the past I felt guilty about asking for what was owed me. I was
afraid that I would loose a friend or that there would be a negative
backlash that would cause others to turn against me. This is why I
have been taken advantage of in the past. I treated myself like a
doormat and didn't understand why other people wiped their feet on
me. I have changed this mind set. I am a bright, innovative person,
who is a blessing on this world. I am caring and sharing. Now I
will be so with myself as well as others.
In
this case, I trusted someone, who chose to take advantage of that
trust. I am proud that I was able to trust. It's a new concept for
me. But I am also proud that I didn't take on the other person's bad
behavior. What ever happens from now will be her responsibility.
These
were two very important life lessons that I needed to learn. We are
only responsible for ourselves, our actions, and the results of those
actions. Although we can learn from others, we are not responsible
for them or their actions. Although others' lives affect ours, they
do not reflect who we are or our destiny. Love and friendship does
not mean ownership. To truly love and respect another, it means that
you must let go and allow them face the karmic lessons. To do
anything else stunts everyone's spiritual and emotional growth. When
we take on what does not belong to us, we hurt ourselves and everyone
involved.
" Instant Karma is going to get you."
John Lennon
Have you ever met someone and suddenly felt love or hate? Yet for the life of you couldn't remember them. Would you want to remember? Would you want to know if it could save your life?
Never Can Say Good-bye is a paranormal thriller feature film with the logline love and hate survives death
http://cproduction5.wix.com/cosmos-productions-
" Instant Karma is going to get you."
John Lennon
Have you ever met someone and suddenly felt love or hate? Yet for the life of you couldn't remember them. Would you want to remember? Would you want to know if it could save your life?
Never Can Say Good-bye is a paranormal thriller feature film with the logline love and hate survives death
http://cproduction5.wix.com/cosmos-productions-
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