Washing Dishes
A Metaphor for Healing



Emotional healing is like washing dishes. A strange comparison, yes but an accurate one. Washing dishes removes left over food from the dinnerware; emotional healing removes pain from our souls. For both of them, the longer the waste has been there, the more difficult it is to wash it away. Unlike permanently stained dishes, you can not simply toss away your soul and get another. However, the more quickly you deal with the injury, like dishes, the easier it is to take care of the problem. Yet sometimes the damage is so devastating that like a burned casserole dish it will take a lot of work and time to get it clean.
After a meal, if the dishes are washed or rinsed right away, they clean quickly and easily. However if they are left for any length of time, the food dries to the plate and it will take more effort to cleanse them. The same is also true for emotional hurts. If you deal with them at the time of the injury, you can deal directly with the source. Being open and honest about how you feel clears up misunderstandings and prevents the issue from being clouded by other factors.
However if you are unable, for whatever reason, to deal openly with the wounded feelings, they begin to fester and expand into other aspects of your life. Until it is dealt with, the hurt will not simply go away. Instead like a dish that has been left too long, it will attracted flies and eventually transmute into something icky--like mold. So do hurt feeling attract undesirable emotions like fear, anger and self doubt. None of those emotions are truly negative; it’s not being able to get past them that leads to further problems. Unlike the food that becomes the mold, the emotions are not changed, but they change the person from the inside out. Getting stuck in them only leads a person to do and say things they normally wouldn’t, which spreads the negativity to others.
So how is the cycle broken? Being honest, self aware and honoring yourself enough to speak your mind and stand your ground are ways misunderstandings are prevented. You don’t have to be aggressive or self pitying to tell another that their behavior or words were hurtful. Sometimes people don’t realize how their bad mood is affecting others. Everyone at some point has gotten so wrapped up in their challenges that they have forgotten the niceties. This doesn’t mean that they will always care. There are people who go out of their way to hurt others, mostly because that is how they deal with their own pain. However, by stating your feelings openly, honestly and with compassion, you get them out into the open. But you must remember not to take their reaction personally. It is this clearing that heals, not how the person responds. By stating your truth you are able to wash your plate clean and move on.
Yet what if you haven’t or couldn’t deal with the issue immediately or the person is no longer available? Be honest with yourself. It’s the denial of the feelings that give them power over you. If your feelings were hurt--acknowledge it. The more honest you are with yourself, the less likely you are to misdirect the feeling onto others who had nothing to do with the injury. However if you can’t for what ever reason deal with the situation or person at the time, step back and get perspective. It’s like taking time to soak the really dirty dishes, while you wash the easier ones. By the time you get to them, the dried food has softened and will be easier to remove. Emotionally you have more options: Talk to another to get an more objective perspective; it’s possible your issues could have lead you to over react. Get more information; there might be more going on than you were aware of. Consider that you were responsible; previously you could have hurt their feelings and that situation hadn’t been dealt with. Or it could simple be that both of you just happen to meet while both of you were having a bad day; in that case both forgive yourself and the other person then move on.
Yet like a burnt casserole dish, there are situations that are so traumatic that they simple can not be healed immediately. Unlike like cross words, lies or misunderstandings, these injuries usually affect the persons whole life or have happened over an extended period of time. In these cases, there are no quick fixes--no words that can alleviate the pain. The dish can be tossed, but the emotional injury can’t be. In these cases the pain is so devastating that it is forgotten or buried because the person simply can’t deal with it. Whether it’s fear or lack of self esteem, they refuses to admit they are in pain. By doing so they do not have to deal with the source of their hurt.
In the cases of childhood trauma, many children are taught to honor their parents, no matter how much damage they do. They feel that they do not have the right to be angry with the parent or to hold them accountable for their actions, simply because of who they are. They turn their anger inward. Instead of confronting the source of their pain, they become self abusive. Frequently, as they grow into adulthood, they find others who reinforce the self image their parents cultivated. The abuse continues and is eventually spread to the next generation as the off-spring inherit the abused behavior. In cases when the source is a stranger, confusion and self-doubt is added as the person questions why they were chosen--what did they do to attract the abusive person’s attention? In many cases, they can not find a logical reason, as a result they blame themselves. So in addition to the physical injuries, they take on the emotional responsibility for the actions of another. Instead of blaming the perpetrator, they feel guilty for the attack. In both instances, the longer the pain is not acknowledge, the more difficult it will be to deal with the true source of the pain.
Healing begins by acknowledging that there is a problem and finding the root source. Until that happens, only the symptoms can be addressed. But dealing with the symptom doesn’t cure anything. Cure one and another one will manifest, usually more intense than the previous. Until the true source of the injury is exposed, the behaviors and inner torment will continue. Like the casserole dish, only time, a good soak and a lot of hard work will cleanse the ick away. For emotions, the soak usually involves many tears and a good support team. Friends, family, and professionals working together to help rebuild what was torn apart are essential parts of the healing process. They are the support staff. But the head of the team is always the person and their determination to heal. Until the person makes the decision to confront the source directly, no matter who they are, and properly place the blame, they will not heal. Confrontation doesn’t necessary need to be a physical encounter, but acknowledging who is responsible. Who caused the pain? Who did the hurting? The old wounds have to be opened and the source of the pain brought into the light. Initially the process will be very painful, causing the person to want to go back into denial. Like peeling back the layers of an onion, the healing process will open old wounds and reawaken old memories until the original source is discovered. At each new level, the person learns to understand more about themselves and become stronger for it. The inwardly turned anger is eventually turned outward and focused on the source of the pain. Professional supervision will keep the healing process moving forward on a positive level. Getting stuck in the blame game will only halt you positive progression. Whether or not the other person takes responsibility for their actions has no bearing on you healing process. Like with the small hurts, honoring your truth and respecting yourself is the goal and the way to move forward. By allowing yourself to see the truth of your life without guilt, fear, or anger you see past as just that--the past. You physically survived it, now it is time to truly live through it and move forward.


Theresa Chaze has been described as the woman who plays with dragons, especially the dragons of the mind. She leads her readers to magical realms and others worlds. Her work is based on her philosophy that all peoples can live together in peace as long as we come from respect, not only for ourselves but those who follow different paths or beliefs. Whether fiction or non fiction, Ms Chaze uses her talent to help others find the path to healing and take back their own power. In many ways, she is a life coach who helps others find alternative life paths and regain their passion. Her work has been compared to Marion Zimmer Bradley and Anne McCaffrey with an adult version of Harry Potter mixed in. Theresa Chaze's major works so far include the first two novels of the Dragon Clan Trilogy , a ebook of Shadows, Out of the Shadows and Into the Light, and a free fantasy ebook called, Sisters, Mother, Daughters. Her screenplay, Never Can Say Good-bye, is one of the 2006 winners of the Gloria Film Festival. She publishes an ezine called, Messages From the Universe, which is available on her site www.theresachaze.com.

My Mother’s Voice
By
Theresa Chaze

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said at last
her time had passed.
I have begun to face my fears.

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said don’t be sad.
Please don’t be mad.
I have found peace over here.

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said to forgive.
It’s your time to live.
This life is all yours my dear.

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said release your fears,
wipe away your tears,
It is time to reach for your goals.

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said do not forget.
Try not to regret.
Please allow yourself to become whole.

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said to find peace
you must release
the anger hidden in your soul.

I thought I heard my Mother’s voice tonight whispering
in my inner ear.
She said it was time to leave.
But try to believe
I will never be far
No matter where you are.
My love will guide
and try to provide
the love and grace
to try to ease
the pain and tears
you felt through the years.

Greetings,
Here is April's issue of Messages from the Universe. Although the individual article are copyrighted by the individual authors, you are welcome to share ezine as a whole. The link address is

http://www.geocities.com/tirgana/messagesApril2007.pdf

You may have to cut and paste the addess into your browser.

Christopher Stewart

Solar Eclipse Sunday March 18th
By Christopher P. Stewart(Christopher P. Stewart)


The Moon's close proximity to the Earth (perigee) also raises the possibility of earthquakes and other geophysical disruptions. The rise and fall of world leaders are often marked by a solar eclipse - occurring in Pisces, ...
Intuitive Living Medical Intuitive... - http://intuitiveliving.blogspot.com/index.html

The Rev. Gary Fearn stands in the sanctuary of his Universalist Life Church, 109 W. Fourth St.

Congregation thrives on eclectic view
By MARVIN READ
THE PUEBLO CHIEFTAIN
To say that the Rev. Gary Fearn's church is not mainstream is an understatement.

Fearn's congregation, the Universalist Life Church, is about as far out of the religion mainstream as can be - not that that's a bad thing, of course.

The congregation describes itself as a metaphysical church, meaning that there are philosophical, belief, intellectual and scientific elements involved.

Specific doctrine and dogma are not much a part of the nondenominational congregation, led by Fearn, 42, a Pueblo native.

"We look at all religious and other traditions to try to reconnect to the divine, the spirit, to God," he said, "and we begin with a premise that we are co-creators with the spirit, with the divine.

"We appreciate Christian teaching - and we have several people in our membership who identify themselves as Christians - but we consider Buddhist, Hindu and other teachings, as well.

"There is truth as a reality, but we remain unconvinced that any one preacher, congregation or religious system has all of it or exclusive rights to it."

The congregation has been in place since last July, and about a month ago relocated from a belly-dancing studio to a storefront operation at 109 W. Fourth St.

Fearn is happy with the locale, saying, "The last thing we need to do is build another church building."

Belly dancing, however, is still at least tangentially connected to the Universalist Life Church, insofar as teaching that art is one of the items offered as a part of the several church-sponsored well-being services offered at the site, also including naturopathy, reflexology, hot-stone massage, gem therapy, pedicures, iridology, reiki, acupressure, pastoral counseling, aromatherapy, homeopathy, body wraps, manicures and life coaching. Pastorally, the church provides the usual weddings and funerals, but also has rites to accompany divorce, bless unions that other churches shy away from and various ceremonials connected to neo-pagan Wiccan worship.

Fearn said there are a few Wiccan worshippers in attendance at Sunday services, as well as agnostics and members of mainstream Christian churches.

"There are a couple of Catholics who are able to go to early Mass at their parishes and then make it in time for our 45-minute, 11 a.m. services," he said, smiling.

The church has a simple set of operating principles:

"Our goal, a fuller life for everyone; our objective, eternal progression; our slogan, to live and help live."

Fearn - married and father of two - was raised in the rigorous Southern Baptist Convention, but clearly has set that denomination aside.

He has been involved in other jobs and ministries since 1991. He has been a police officer and police chaplain, owned a chain of religious-goods stores based in Las Vegas, marketed painting and maintenance services in Denver, managed a Southeastern Colorado branch of Jackson-Hewitt tax services and is an examiner for Colorado's Real Estate Board. Additionally, he lists on his resume some 26,000 hours of hands-on pastoral duties.

Fearn earned his non-academic doctorate in divinity from the Universal Life Church in 1988, and was interim pastor of a Pueblo Universal Life Church congregation from late 1995 to early 1998.

The pastor said there's an average attendance of 20 to 30 at Sunday services, and that "we're growing, maybe five or six people a month." He said the church really doesn't yet have a budget, but runs on about $1,000 a month.

"We're big on fellowship, as well as worship," Fearn said of the congregation, which he said is about evenly divided between singles and families and with an average age of 30 to 35.

The church is loosely affiliated with the sometimes-controversial, 47-year-old, Modesto, Calif.-based Universal Life Church.

Fearn and his congregants begin with a premise that all things and people are part of one main source and should thus be respected, even in their independence and interdependence on other beings and things.

Metaphysics, the local church notes in a brochure, "is the way to interpret and understand life on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes."

Additionally, the brochure notes, "Metaphysics understands the Law of Attraction and how it effects and affects our lives." The law, at the risk of oversimplification, may be enunciated as "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your destiny."

Fearn said the church never focuses on political issues, and the congregation seems about evenly divided between liberal and conservative thought.

"We're focused on spirituality, not political division," he said, adding that the church makes no moral judgments about interpersonal lifestyles and relationships.

"That's pretty much up to the individual's responsibility to figure out," he said. "It's our aim to reconnect people to the creator, whatever that means to the individual."

All of which indeed places the church well out of the mainstream - not that that's a bad thing, of course.

The church maintains a Web site: www.universalistlifechurch.org and Fearn may be contacted at 671-5866.

If this was a final good-bye, it would bruise my soul
Things were left unsaid.
Things were left undone.
You have walked through a doorway, that eventually I will go.
Together we shall meet.
Together we shall speak.
Each would listen and share what we have learned.
We were teachers.
We were students.
Now is not the time of sorrow, yet tears will be shed.
We will honor your life.
We will mourn your loss.
This life was full of challenges, some you met, some will be faced again.
The joy and love you shared will light your path as you cross the threshold.
Those who have gone before shall embrace and guide you to peace and grace.
Time will pass.
Time leaves only your beauty.
Until you return again to the Earthy path, may you be surrounded by our love.

Edith Pachesny, age 67, died Sunday evening Febuary 17, 2002 as the result of an automobile accident in Manistee. She was born June 23, 1934 to Helen (Davis) Kubanek and the late Matthew Kubanek. Edith married Donald Pachesny on August 31, 1957 at St Joseph Church. Edith especially liked spending as much time as possible with her grandchildren. She also loved her dog, Bandit and took him everywhere she went. Edith was a ommunicant of St. Joseph church and was very active in the services of the church, especially working on the funeral luncheon and the paczki programs. Over the past few years, she was the primary caregiver for her mother.

Edith is survived by her: husband, Donald; her daughter, Theresa; sons and daughter-in-laws--Daniel and Shelia with their four children, April, Cara, Shawn, and Ridge; Michael and Anne, with their daughter, Katherine; Steve and Patti, with their son, Logan; her mother, Helen Kubanek; sisters and brother-in-law, Betty Minister and Delores and John Maidens; many neices and nephews also surivive her.
There were many challenges she waited to face until late in life to face. She didn't drive untils he was in her fifties. But once she learned the world opened up to here and she took advantage of the opportunties it offered to her. Soon after she went back to school and got her GED , getting her "Nurses Aid/Homecare Giver" certificate. She swam several times a week, played basketball with the grandkids and took them on nature hikes. She is a shining example of how it is never too late to begin again.
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