Looking for Love In all the Wrong Places
By
Theresa Chaze

As a Tarot Reader, I have had many of my clients ask how they can find love. They want to find their soul mate. Everyone is looking for love, yet so often they are not searching for a relationship based on love and respect, but for someone to complete them or give them self-esteem. Neither is a good reason to become involved with another; it leads only to dependency, control and eventual resentment.
In order to find love with another, you first have to find it within yourself. Until you learn how to appreciate yourself, you will not be able to accept or trust the love others give you. When it is offered, you will not be able to believe that it is real or reliable, because you do not feel worthy of another's love. When the people with low self-esteem do become involved in relationships, it is frequently based on a need for approval, security, or to bolster a false self image by controlling the other. It is only when the relationship is based on respect, equality and love that it will be a healthy influence. A love between equals makes both people stronger, more independent, and the relationship more capable of weathering the challenges life offers.
Still others keep asking if a love from the past will return to them. If the relationship didn't work the first time, it will not work the second time around unless there have been major changes in one or both people involved. Many times, people will hold on to the hope of a past love returning as a way to protect themselves from being hurt again. Instead of a source of love and support, the past relationship becomes a shield to hide behind and to keep new loves at bay. Other times is fear of being vulnerable to another that keeps people hidden within their castle walls and the alligators in the moat.
In order to find true love, it has to radiate from the inside out. When we love and respect ourselves, we are capable of healing through the pain others cause us, while rejecting those who would attack our self-esteem. Self love gives us the courage and the strength to face the new challenges and adventures life places in our path. It is what gives us the energy to keep trying, even if at first we do not succeed. It is also what gives us the ability to see the beauty and goodness in others. Each and every person has value and is worthy of being treated with respect. By learning how to appreciate yourself, you will draw others into your life with whom you will be able to share a relationship based on love and respect.