Friday, July 25, 2008
Dating 101: How and Where to Find Love
It’s not where you are from, but where you are going that matters.
Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, yet, we all need love. Notice that I didn’t say ‘would like,’ or ‘are hoping for,’ no, I used the verb ‘need’ and I meant it! At the end of our day or at the end of our lives, if we seriously analyzed our actions and the motives behind them, most of us would agree all we really wanted was to love and be loved. Since we are among boomers, I like to think we’ve reached the stage in life where we can say, without apologies, that if we aren’t in a relationship, we’d like to be in one. Period. And we deserve it!
Easier said than done, right? I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy, but I am going to tell you that it’s possible—if you are willing to adjust your attitude. Let me explain. As we grow older, we change our eating habits, our sleeping patterns, the way we dress, our exercise routine, and especially as women, we switch health and beauty products. So why are we not changing the way we pursue relationships? I’m here to tell you it is time to do just that.
Like everything else, start small and build on your successes. Certainly you would never go out and purchase a whole case of new products without trying a sample first. Well, here is your sample for adjusting your attitude. If a man about the right age catches your attention, go talk to him. No rolling your eyes, no smirking, no ifs, ands or buts, this is your free sample. I’m not telling you to ask the man out; I’m not telling you not to ask him out, either. I would be content if you just talk to him, for now.
Let’s pretend you are walking down Rodeo Drive and you see a fabulous bag in a store window. Strangely, the shop doesn’t have a designer name, actually it doesn’t have a name or a logo at all, so you have no idea if the bag is affordable, or you’d need to mortgage your house to buy it. Heck, come to think of it, you don’t even know if it’s for sale. But it’s calling your name, oh, how it would complement your summer wardrobe! You breathe deep and hesitantly push open the door, you are now inside the store, closer to the object of your desire, and you politely ask the salesperson if you could see this dream bag up close; “Oh, I would happily show it to you,” smiles the saleslady, “however, it is not for sale; it is part of a raffle to feed the hungry. Would you like to buy a ticket? They are $10 each.”
You buy two tickets, and as you walk away, you don’t care that you are not holding the dream bag because you are holding something that may get you that bag at a bargain price. If it doesn’t, well, at least you helped feed the hungry.
That man who catches your eye is your bag and the salesperson. So walk up to that salesperson and ask a simple question, ask the time, or directions, anything easy and pleasant so that person can give you an answer. If you hold the winning ticket, you may end up sitting in a coffee shop talking to the man; if you don’t, remember, you’ve fed the hungry. Maria Grazia Swan author of Boomer Babes-True Tales of Love and Lust in The Later Years-available now in bookstores around the country.