Not for Ourselves: A Karmic Romance

What do you do when life hands you lemons. Authors make lemonade by writing the challenges into their work. Theresa Chaze is no different. Written as a way to cope with and to understand the sexual assault, Not for Ourselves tells the tale of a woman, who is attacked and tormented by men she met for the first time at a Pagan Festival. Unable to comprehend why they chose her, she performs a magical ritual that was designed to help her understand why they would want to destroy a stranger's life. All though it is fictionalized story, it reflects how the assault and the months of harassment afterward shattered her life and nearly turned Chaze into a shut-in

Before October 18, 2006, Chaze was confident gregarious woman, who faced life with moxie and courage. Her writing career had begun to take off with the launch of her novels and screenplays. She sought out adventures and blazed her own trails through life. All that ended on October 18, 2006. The person she was died that night and she became someone she didn't recognize. Before, she forgave easily. At midnight her slate was wiped clean and everyone, including herself, had a fresh start for the new day. All that changed. The fear overshadowed her life. Leaving her home sent her into panic attacks that triggered severe asthma episodes. The fear became a rage that she turned both inward and onto others. There were many times in the next two years that she had the razor blade out and the note was written. Good friends keeping careful watch over her is the only reason she didn't follow through. Instead of asking for justice, she sought vengeance on those who had harmed her. When Chaze lost her ability to function, she sought help and was diagnosed with PTSD, After years of therapy, Chaze has glued the shards of her former self together to create a life that once again based on love, light, and hope. Writing Not For Ourselves helped her complete the healing process

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Alyssa attends a local Pagan festival to read Tarot Cards as a way of raising funds for a local animal rescue organization. When a group of drunken men invade the festival, attacking the attendee and destroying the booths, she and others stand up to them only to learn that they are off-duty deputy sheriffs. Unwilling to let their bad behavior slide, they file complaints only to learn that the leader of the pack is the Justin Nevel, the Sheriff's nephew. Although she is one of many who complain, Nevel focuses his need for revenge on Alyssa. His harassment quickly escalates. When friends and co-workers stand up for her, his intimidation spreads to them. In an attempt to understand why she was singled out, Alyssa performs a magical ritual. But instead of receiving an answer, she is taken back to a Scottish parish and the life when she was known as Shannon Marie Cullen.

The granddaughter and heir of Jacqueline Marie Katherine de Medici, Shannon Marie lived both in and out of clan tradition. However, unlike their older sisters, she and her younger sister, Rachael, were spared the limitations and intrigues of court. Raised more like sons than daughters, they were wild and free. Both saw life as a challenge to be met and conquered. Yet there was one sadness that Shannon Marie was forced to accept or so she thought. Clan tradition stood between her and Michael being together, which led to him choosing the path of the Goddess. She loved him enough to honor his decision until the obstacles between them suddenly vanished. She selfishly agrees to the marriage. Instead of joy, their union brings about betrayal, bloodshed, and murder

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As the memories of her past life awakened, Alyssa melds with her former self. Watching the events before her death unfold, she began to understand how the manipulation of others followed them through the ages until they are forced to again meet. In the past, one man loved her, yet her selfishness betrayed his trust. One man hated her for who she was and for what he could never have. Both have again entered her life. Have they learned enough to put finally put the past to rest or will they again make the same choices that led to murder and revenge?

Not for Ourselves is available on Amazon as a Kindle and in paperback as well as a PDF on the author's website.

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Magical Romance Novel Review

Nict For Ure Selfe (Not For Ourselves): An Excerpt

Shannon Marie knew where he was going. He did not have to tell her. Their brief connection was enough for her to just know. His secret made him sad. She did not understand why he did not just tell her and be done with it. Whatever he hid, she would do her best to understand; maybe she could even help. But now he needed to connect with Bridget. He always did when she tried to see what was behind that door. Communing with her was the only thing that restored his peace and calmed his soul. It was like when Shannon tried to see beyond the door, he was forced to look at something he wanted to ignore. As long as she did not ask, whatever it was did not exist. By asking, she was forcing him to confront it. Shannon hated seeing the pain in his eyes, knowing she had caused it, but not knowing how or why.
There were fifteen more competitors yet to shoot and he never did like the long wait after his turn. He did not compete with the others, but against himself. Every year he challenged himself to do better than the year before. The crossbow competition was scheduled next, but she was the next to the last to shoot. She had at least an hour. This time he was going to tell her. She would not let him leave the circling until he told her the truth. Leaning over she whispered in Rachael’s ear. “I’m going to the Divine Circling.”
Her younger sister looked past her and nodded. “If they change anything, I’ll come get you.” Quickly she reached into her pocket and pulled out three silver coins. “Honor Bridget, Cerridwen and Danu for me.”
Looking in to her green eyes, she watch the darker outer rings expand. She was seeing beyond this moment. Shannon Marie mentally made a mental note to ask her later. “Come with me.”
The younger girl shook her head and pushed the coins into her sister’s hand. “Tell her I remember the dream. If I can not change the it, I will honor my promise.”
“I do not understand.”
Rachael sadly smiled. “Please?”
Tweaking the tip of her sister’s nose, she smiled and nodded. Taking the less traveled path, she circled around to Michael’s destination. She wanted to give him a few moments alone with his patron Goddess, before she appeared. A large raven screeched from above. Startled, Shannon Marie stopped and spun around, looking up. It flew downward. She followed its trajectory. Quickly spinning round, she saw it vanish into the forest and for someone to disappear into the underbrush. Instinctively, she reached for her boot knife. The movement in the undergrowth, revealed the intruder’s escape route. Whoever was returning to the competition. She released her hold on the hilt, but did not drop her guard.
Slowly she turned and continued toward Divine Circling. Although it was necessary for her to pay attention to path, her focus was behind her. More than once, she tripped on a fallen branch and uneven ground. Just outside the glade, she stopped and looked behind her. The path was clear, yet she sensed someone was watching and waiting.
She reached the forest line around the clearing. The circle was the oldest and holiest place in the Parish. It is said that the elfin helped the Druids clear circle to represent the cycle of life. Next to each other in the center, they place the altars to Dagda and Danu. The glade had been dedicated to them eons before as the father and mother to all the Gods and Goddesses. Spiraling outward, other altars were dedicated until the coil filled the field. Around the circle, the trees grew lush and tall, but they never intruded on the holy space. Instead, they stood guard over the shrines and those that worshiped there.
Michael stood at Bridget’s altar. It is where women prayed for children and farmers left tributes of their harvest in fall in hope she would bless them with bounty again the next year. Michael had dedicated himself to her there and claimed the name Dagha in honor of her father. Once a month he would travel the half day to honor her with a tribute. Only Michael did not go to ask for children or bounty, but the ability and wisdom to heal others. Although he was a skilled warrior and hunter, he had no desire to kill. Instead, he wanted to heal both the body and the soul. He had always claimed that in another time and place he was Druid of the wood, blessed with the skills of healing and foresight. In spite of the old ways falling away under Christos, Michael chose to follow them. It was that spiritual quest, which filled his heart and soul, giving him inner strength and peace.
Shannon Marie had seen his abilities too many times to doubt his claim. The latter was something he and Elizabeth had in common. Once again looking over her shoulder, Shannon Marie scanned the forest for movement. Something was off. Turning fully around, she looked back down the narrow path. No one was there, yet she expected to see someone.
Suddenly Alyssa was afraid. There was someone out there. She reached out and touched Shannon Marie’s shoulder. She needed to warn herself. It was not safe. Yet she didn’t know why.

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Taking a couple steps back down the path, Shannon Marie fought the impulse to run to Michael. The air around her made her skin tingle. She had felt this before. It was like when Seanhair had called Macha; instead of going to Seanhair, the Goddess to came to her and settle within her body as they became one. Through her eyes, the other looked out on the world; the sensation had been strange and unfamiliar, yet what she felt now was very recognizable. It was her, only more than just her. Once again, her senses became more intense and acute. Insects flying among the leaves yards away were just as clear as if they were preparing to land on her hand. She could hear the beating of her wings. Coldness radiate from within. She lifted her hand to look at the back of it. The transparent image of another woman’s hand superimposed itself over hers. She stared at it.
“Shannon Marie?” Michael spoke from behind her.
Slowly she turned to face him but did not divert her gaze from her arm. Suddenly she was alone again in her body.
“It’s happening again?”
She nodded. “What do you see?”
"I-I--" He stammered and stopped.
Shannon Marie looked up into his eyes.
Tears were welling up with in them. He quickly turned and wiped them away. "Do not go tonight. Stay home with Elizabeth."
"I cannot." Walking around, she stood in front of him. "What did you see?"
He shook his head. "I cannot." Michael whispered, turning away from her once again. “Bridget swore me to silence.”
Confused, Shannon Marie reached out and brushed his long dark hair out of his face and tried to meet his gaze. They had always been able to tell each other everything. They hid nothing. Yet, now whatever he held back was causing him great pain. She reached out and touched his forearm. "Please."
He slowly walked out of her reach. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Shawn Jacob demanded, stepping off the main path. He was quickly followed by Damien MacNab, Richard and Keith Connell. "Explain yourself boy!"
"I told you!" Keith volunteered, pointing at Shannon and Michael. “I told you they were together.”
Shannon Marie's gaze quickly darted from her father to the smirking Keith. Anger rose within. "Papa. What ever he told you," she jutted her chin in Keith's direction, "is a lie.”
“Shut up girl!” Richard snapped, sauntering into the glade. “He said you were together.
“Slut!” Keith smugly pointed at her; the condescension in his voice matched his father. “Just like your Seanhair!”
Shawn Jacob snapped around; his left hand reaching for the dagger at his belt. “Richard, shut your bastard up!” The warning hung in the air between them, threatening to become more than a verbal battle.
“Michael?” Always the gentleman, Damien squared his shoulders and composed himself. With relaxed, yet directed long strides, he quickly crossed the distance between himself and his son. Damien reached out slightly tilted his head so that their matching deep brown eyes met. “Why were the two of you here together?”
“Father, we always come to honor Bridget.” Michael’s gaze did not waver.
Shannon was suddenly aware of how like in manor and appearance they were. Without Damien’s beard, it was like the men were looking in mirror reflections of themselves; one towards the past and the other toward the future. With their long dark hair held back, their oval faces looked almost heart shaped. Both were warriors; but whereas Damien had aged into a statesman, Michael still had the temperament and the physical stamina of a warrior and a hunter. Although their eyes were the same shape and color. Damien’s held wisdom. Michael’s were those of a seer who saw other times and places.
“I would never dishonor you or myself.” Michael continued. “Nor would I betray her father’s trust.” He turned toward Shawn. “Sir, you daughter and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. You never questioned us before. Why would you doubt us now?”
“We always have been together since we were children. Rachael and Scott used to come with us.” Shannon Marie interceded. “Since Scott was sent to the monastery, Rachael does not come any more. Michael and I promise to always remember them to Bridget together. We are honor bound. She gave me her offering.” She pulled the coins from her pocket.
“Pagan--”
“Shut up!” Shawn Jacob snapped, cutting off Richard. The anger in his voice was sharper than the blade at his belt. “My daughter does not lie.”
“Neither does my--”
“Your son?” Richard cut Damien off. “Are you dishonoring your legit heirs by acknowledging your bastard?”
Shawn James crossed the few yards between himself and Shannon Marie. His voice softened when he spoke to her, yet the anger, which was only inches away, remained directed at the Connells. “Little Elf, what oath did you give.”
“The four of us made a blood oath on Bridget’s alter to be each other’s defenders and protectors.” Michael quickly answered, stepping toward the father and daughter pair. “We are one in her name.”
“Yes. Papa. It is true.” Shannon Marie looked up into her father’s eyes, trying to get him to understand how she felt about Michael without her being forced to put it into words. They were more than friends, yet they both knew that is all it would ever be. How could she speak what her heart felt in front of all of them, when she could not say it out loud to the person who meant the most. Angrily she looked at the Connells. Arrogantly, Keith stood beside his father, his arms folded across his chest. She hated him the most for his pretense. His parentage was no better than Michael‘s, yet he presented himself as a son of rank. "But it none of their concern. Michael is honorable. Neither of us would do anything to disgrace ourselves or our families." She pointed at Keith. “He cannot say the same.”
“There was nothing more?” Damien demanded, stepping back and scratching his graying beard.
“Nothing worth speaking of.” Michael whispered and turned toward the altar. “I-we-it doesn’t matter. We have done nothing to shame ourselves or our families.”
Damien’s voice softened as he stepped around Michael and lifted his chin as if he was a small boy instead of a nearly grown man. “Speak the words of your heart.”

Nict For Ure Selfe (Not For Ourselves) is available as an ebook at www.theresachaze.com or through the Amazon Kindle program click here for the link


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