My Mother’s Daughter
By
Theresa Chaze
The women in the young girls lives become the template for who they will be as they grow into adulthood. Whether they intends to or not mothers, grandmothers, aunts--any woman who plays an important role it the girl’s life will be her teacher and mentor. It’s the older women’s example that teaches the girl how to deal with life’s challenges. In this case the old saying, do what I say, not as I do doesn’t apply. Girls watch and mimic the actions of the women in their lives, therefore it’s essential that they present themselves to be capable and strong individuals.
Independent and strong women are more likely to teach their daughters to take control over their lives and to honor themselves. In doing so, they learn to expect to be valued by others and are more willing to walk away from situations or people who do not respect them. They are also more likely to defend themselves and others from people who would deliberately due harm. These girls grow into self-reliant women who take control over all aspects of their lives. They are able to depending on themselves to meet their needs and able to develop healthy relationships that are based on equality. It is true that no person is an island. But if a woman has learned to be self-reliant, it is easier for her to ask for help without thinking less of herself. It’s not they do not make mistakes or have challenges in their lives, but they are more able to cope with them without giving into despair or depression. Strong women meet life head on without excuses or blame. Taking responsibility for her actions, she chooses to learn from her mistakes instead passing on the guilt to others. It’s easier for her heal emotionally because she is able to release the injury and move on. Sometimes frustrated, sometimes angry, sometimes every other emotion that can be named, she still finds the lessons behind every challenge and expects the best out of life.
On the other hand, those women, who fail to stand up for their rights and are continually subjugated by others, teach their daughters that they also don’t deserve to be respected. By not standing up for themselves, they teach by example that women don’t have value and deserve the harsh treatment. Allowing their daughters to grow up in this environment, they help erode the girl’s self-esteem even before she has a chance to build a strong emotional foundation. They don’t know how to respect themselves so they have a tendency to draw people into their lives who will reinforce that self image. They quickly learn to be safe or to get what they want, they have to be the “good girl” or the “obedient daughter. She is never to have her own opinion or ask for what she wants because that would make her bad and she would deserve to be punished. Fear of disapproval and of physical harm keeps her from expressing her true desires. Girls who grow up in such situations frequently are unable to care for themselves and will be continually needy. No matter how much healthy support she is given, it will never be enough. She will always think the worse of herself, because she never learned how to depend on herself. Instead of being strong from within, they look to others for their self worth and will do anything to keep their approval. It is an self-supporting cycle. The more a she needs to be supported, the less she is able to do so for herself. Eventually she becomes totally dependant others for all the necessities of life. It is also a way for her not to take responsibility for how her life unfolds; if others are in control, then she can not be blamed. When others hurt her, she excuses them and ignores her pain; to confront it could mean dealing with the source and risk facing the realities of her life. Instead she will burying the pain, leaving it to fester and poison the rest of her life. Being unable to deal with the pain makes it impossible for her to heal. When she looks toward the future, she expects the worse for it is all she known. Until she finds the strength or is forced to stop denying her pain and deal with the root cause, she will never truly find peace or love.
Both situations are generational with the level of self worth and independence being passed from mother to daughter because they know nothing else. In the first case, this beneficial. Each generation opens the door to the next to reach higher and loftier goals. However in the second, the spiral continues downward until a woman has the strength and courage to break the cycle. By doing so she heals herself and clears away the emotional debris for the next generations by provide an alternative way of life. There are no quick fixes--no magic pills or wands that will suddenly great positive self-image. The only cure is the long, hard work of peeling back the layers of pain, anger, and fear until you reach back to the root cause and begin to rebuild by facing old beliefs and ways of life. It’s like stripping the layers of an onion to reach the core. Sure you can use a knife and cut away, but then you have pieces. So is it when the treatment doesn’t work with all aspects of the personality. Drugs are not a cure all. Nor is psychological therapy. Prayer is helpful, but so is group therapy. It took years and in many cases generations to create the behaviors . No one remedy will be a cure all, nor will it be done over night. In addition, the individual’s healing process is unique. There is no one path that leads to salvation. Every person must take the journey themselves. Loved ones and professionals can help, but until the woman admits there is a problem and finds the courage to face, she can not heal her self-esteem and become the wonderful woman she was born to be.
By
Theresa Chaze
The women in the young girls lives become the template for who they will be as they grow into adulthood. Whether they intends to or not mothers, grandmothers, aunts--any woman who plays an important role it the girl’s life will be her teacher and mentor. It’s the older women’s example that teaches the girl how to deal with life’s challenges. In this case the old saying, do what I say, not as I do doesn’t apply. Girls watch and mimic the actions of the women in their lives, therefore it’s essential that they present themselves to be capable and strong individuals.
Independent and strong women are more likely to teach their daughters to take control over their lives and to honor themselves. In doing so, they learn to expect to be valued by others and are more willing to walk away from situations or people who do not respect them. They are also more likely to defend themselves and others from people who would deliberately due harm. These girls grow into self-reliant women who take control over all aspects of their lives. They are able to depending on themselves to meet their needs and able to develop healthy relationships that are based on equality. It is true that no person is an island. But if a woman has learned to be self-reliant, it is easier for her to ask for help without thinking less of herself. It’s not they do not make mistakes or have challenges in their lives, but they are more able to cope with them without giving into despair or depression. Strong women meet life head on without excuses or blame. Taking responsibility for her actions, she chooses to learn from her mistakes instead passing on the guilt to others. It’s easier for her heal emotionally because she is able to release the injury and move on. Sometimes frustrated, sometimes angry, sometimes every other emotion that can be named, she still finds the lessons behind every challenge and expects the best out of life.
On the other hand, those women, who fail to stand up for their rights and are continually subjugated by others, teach their daughters that they also don’t deserve to be respected. By not standing up for themselves, they teach by example that women don’t have value and deserve the harsh treatment. Allowing their daughters to grow up in this environment, they help erode the girl’s self-esteem even before she has a chance to build a strong emotional foundation. They don’t know how to respect themselves so they have a tendency to draw people into their lives who will reinforce that self image. They quickly learn to be safe or to get what they want, they have to be the “good girl” or the “obedient daughter. She is never to have her own opinion or ask for what she wants because that would make her bad and she would deserve to be punished. Fear of disapproval and of physical harm keeps her from expressing her true desires. Girls who grow up in such situations frequently are unable to care for themselves and will be continually needy. No matter how much healthy support she is given, it will never be enough. She will always think the worse of herself, because she never learned how to depend on herself. Instead of being strong from within, they look to others for their self worth and will do anything to keep their approval. It is an self-supporting cycle. The more a she needs to be supported, the less she is able to do so for herself. Eventually she becomes totally dependant others for all the necessities of life. It is also a way for her not to take responsibility for how her life unfolds; if others are in control, then she can not be blamed. When others hurt her, she excuses them and ignores her pain; to confront it could mean dealing with the source and risk facing the realities of her life. Instead she will burying the pain, leaving it to fester and poison the rest of her life. Being unable to deal with the pain makes it impossible for her to heal. When she looks toward the future, she expects the worse for it is all she known. Until she finds the strength or is forced to stop denying her pain and deal with the root cause, she will never truly find peace or love.
Both situations are generational with the level of self worth and independence being passed from mother to daughter because they know nothing else. In the first case, this beneficial. Each generation opens the door to the next to reach higher and loftier goals. However in the second, the spiral continues downward until a woman has the strength and courage to break the cycle. By doing so she heals herself and clears away the emotional debris for the next generations by provide an alternative way of life. There are no quick fixes--no magic pills or wands that will suddenly great positive self-image. The only cure is the long, hard work of peeling back the layers of pain, anger, and fear until you reach back to the root cause and begin to rebuild by facing old beliefs and ways of life. It’s like stripping the layers of an onion to reach the core. Sure you can use a knife and cut away, but then you have pieces. So is it when the treatment doesn’t work with all aspects of the personality. Drugs are not a cure all. Nor is psychological therapy. Prayer is helpful, but so is group therapy. It took years and in many cases generations to create the behaviors . No one remedy will be a cure all, nor will it be done over night. In addition, the individual’s healing process is unique. There is no one path that leads to salvation. Every person must take the journey themselves. Loved ones and professionals can help, but until the woman admits there is a problem and finds the courage to face, she can not heal her self-esteem and become the wonderful woman she was born to be.
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